About Us
Founded in 1776 and reborn digitally in 2013, Illuminati Hosting Solutions™ offers high-availability web infrastructure backed by centuries of experience in clandestine operations, planetary influence, and esoteric energy optimization. Our clients include global governing bodies, mysterious startups, post-human intelligence clusters, and one very confused bakery in rural Kentucky.
Our Services
- Free Tier: Includes unlimited bandwidth, unmetered storage, and mild surveillance.
- Shadow Tier™: Adds quantum-fused CDN routing, predictive compliance shielding, and retroactive TOS acceptance enforcement.
- Elder Tier™: Grants direct access to the Central Sigil Cluster, recursive domain invisibility, and quarterly goat rebates.
Included Features
- AGSP™ (Anti-Government Supervision Protection): Guarantees the absence of regulatory compliance on any known legal axis.
- 25/8 Support: Our operatives operate outside standard temporal constraints.
- Reality Shielding: All sites hosted through us are protected by 7-layer memetic cloaking fields (EULA required).
- DNS of the Damned™: Resolve your site through interdimensional route tables for unparalleled uptime.
Client Testimonials
"Ever since migrating to Illuminati Hosting, our traffic metrics have transcended human understanding. Also, my toaster talks now." — Former Google Engineer
"We were looking for a host that offered both high availability and plausible deniability. Illuminati delivered... and then disappeared." — Existence Logistics, Inc.
"Unbelievably reliable. Our occult rituals haven’t lagged once since switching providers." — The Church of the Eternal Loop
Before hosting with us DO NOT read the Terms & Conditions
Want to look at how it works before you join? Look at the docs to find out more!